Disgrace
by kuroren23
Summary: One-Shot. Abe's thoughts after the game with Mishoshi. Abe x Mihashi


A/N: OOfuri isnt mine. But this scene was pivotal in my liking Oofuri. It was then that I knew there had to be something there.

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**_Abe POV_**

I know that it was a gamble when I grabbed him and forced him to confront the images from his past. I knew that I was running the risk of losing the only pitcher I've met who had no ego to speak of—the only one who could make good the promise of true battery I've been longing for since I walked away from my first attempt at Koshien in disgrace. But I had to do it—I couldn't stand the way his entire frame would shake just with the mention of his old school's name. I HAD to do it—far more than my need for peace of mind—I wanted him to be FREE. Free enough to make a new start. Free to form a battery with ME.

I wonder if he realized how close to stopping my heart was during that brief exchange with the current Mihoshi pitcher. I saw the regret in some of their eyes--the awareness and beginnings of awe that they had a hard time concealing. As well as the sadness that lurked in the voice and eyes of the one called Kanou--the only one in Mishoshi who _**knew **_just how special HE was. I could hear the pounding in my heart and the loud staccato of my pulse beating in my ears but I had to ignore all of that. I felt that everything was hanging in the balance at that instance—nothing I could say could've or would've made a difference until he opens his mouth and say the words I was silently, relentlessly—desperately whispering in my head.

_**Tell them you're not coming back….Tell them…you're NOT returning to them no matter what…**_

I held him still…and I wonder if he knew that he wasn't the only one shaking during that time. That the hands clutching his shoulders weren't shaking just because he was—I had to control the urge to bite down on my lip and remove my hands so that I could wrap my arms around my own body—the same way I had to control the overwhelming urge to speak and tell them myself that he is no longer their pitcher—that he was MINE…I wanted them to know that he wasn't alone anymore…that he had US and that we've accepted him—quirks and spazzy nature. I was burning with the knowledge that he had an enormous amount of guilt riding him...but more than that there was his longing for the team he yearned to have when he was with them--but i couldn't make the decision for him. He had to make a choice. And I could only hope that he would choose us.

_**We won…you don't have to be afraid-you're free now…they know your skills—they see you now**_…

I almost didn't hear his words…soft and hesitant as they were to escape from his lips but I DID hear them and I couldn't fathom the feeling that assailed me at that instance. I felt like a huge weight was removed from my shoulders and it was all I could do not to drop unto the ground in a puddle of nerves. And when he looked back at us—to say that he wasn't lonely I knew then that we have passed some invisible hurdle. It was all I could do not to sigh in relief. He wanted us--he wanted to be with us--even if that means letting go of the ties he had wanted to forge for so long--even if he had the chance to start over--he chose Nishiura and I wanted to tell him then and there--he will never have a moment to regret his choice.

_**Not lonely…at all…**_

I lived through my worst nightmare when I saw him just toppled like a drunken sailor just as I asked him a question. I thought he was hurt and that he fainted from some strain I hadn't noticed before. But most of all I wonder if he knew how much it meant to me to see him sleep like that. To see him for once at a standstill…at peace…snoring softly with the kind of deep sleep one usually associates with little kids. I felt something in my heart ease--the fear that I've coerced such a fragile creature and lured into a dangerous zone where it would have to fend for itself and for the first time I truly understand what Coach Momoka meant when she said that a catcher's role was more than just leading.

**_ You gave him that…_**

Yes, I gave him peace…something that has eluded him since middle high…something he never thought to seek for himself. I gave him that…and that night I swore I would devote myself to him for the next three years. I know that when tomorrow comes I will look upon him with eyes that will forever hold gratitude and respect. I will also see to it that he would walk away from our battery as a person who knows well enough just how much he is worthy. And this time, I know that if I reach the fields of Koshien again, this time, with him, no matter what happens, I would walk away with my head held high.


End file.
